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I could go off on a rant about stupid multiclass restrictions, but I'll save that for another time.

The Ascetic X feats tend to go along the lines of "enhance one feature of one class, then one feature of the other class". This proposal focuses only on the one class.

Admittedly, the Fighter doesn't have many features to enhance itself, but we should do what we can to include it.

Now, for a general feat, I'd probably do it up like this:

Ascetic Warrior:
- Can multiclass freely between Fighter and Monk.
- Fighter levels stack with Monk levels to determine unarmed damage.
- Monk levels stack with Fighter levels in order to qualify for special Fighter-only feats like Weapon Specialization.
- Additionally, may treat any light or one-handed weapon that you take Weapon Specialization with as a special Monk weapon (allows flurry of blows).
- Must stay Lawful to continue advancing as a monk.

This doesn't directly address grappling, but should work just as well as your proposals for a grappling monk. I didn't include the speed bonus, since you'll be in very close quarters most of the time, and I didn't include the AC bonus, since it's fairly minor, and doesn't really help while grappling anyways.

I felt that the martial weapon usage in a flurry was fairly useful, and stacking for fighter feats allows you to attain Weapon Spec easily.

As an alternative, you could remove the stacking for unarmed damage, and add stacking for unarmoured AC bonus instead. From the example feats in CAdv, these two are fairly interchangeable.

But I'd recommend against including damage and AC together. You have to have some reason to keep taking Monk, right?

EDIT: In any case, be sure to get your DM's approval. We can say anything here, but we aren't right unless your DM agrees.